My Spiritual journey because my son has leukemia

When Dominic was diagnosed with ALL leukemia in January 2009, my world fell apart momentarily.  I had so many things run through my head.  The first was blame.  I wanted to blame his father who I have been divorced from for 9 years.  We are amicable but I never agreed with his food choices or what he fed Dominic.  I wanted to make him to blame for my son having leukemia.  I went into the holier than though mode of “I’ve done everything right, breast fed, organic foods, love, etc. etc.  It must be his father’s fault.”  I thought maybe it was all of those vaccines that I was always against Dominic getting.  The blame went on and on.  I wanted to take my son and run.  Run for the nearest healing center like Hippocrates Health Institute in Florida or OHI in San Diego.  I thought, “I’m a raw foodist, my son can’t get chemotherapy, that is just unacceptable.”  I cried, I moaned, I screamed until my head ached, I hand wrenched, I called all of the leaders in the raw foods movement I could think of to ask them what to do.  I called my ex husband and pleaded with him to let me take Dominic to Hippocrates Health Institute.  To his credit, Dominic’s father stayed very calm.  He listened, but did not make any rash decisions or flip out on me.  I continued to pursue any angle I could as far as Chinese medicine, putting Dominic on raw foods at home and taking all the sugar out of his diet.  It totally didn’t work with the food changes.  Dom would call me and say, “I think I’ll just stay at Dad’s a little longer.”  That’s when I knew that it was time to surrender to the flow of what is.  I had a talk with Dominic and asked him what he wanted to do.  After all he is 14 and becoming a young man.  He said he was scared and that he wanted to be in the least amount of pain possible but that he also wanted to do what was easy.  I talked about it with him on numerous occasions, and we talked about what chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant would entail.  He had been through a lot of chemo already at that point so understood how sick he could be from it.  In the end, he decided that he wanted to take the hospital route and get the bone marrow transplant.  I actually breathed a sigh of relief because it felt like such an internal struggle for me.  I wanted to do the right thing by my son, I wanted to heal him naturally with a clean and green raw food diet, I wanted to sequester him and get him healed.  But it hurt so bad to not have the power or ability to make that happen.  I was the lone wolf.  Everyone else; his father, his grandparents, aunts, uncles and of course all of the doctors were sure that chemo was the solution.  So I let go of my resistance, breathed a big, heavy sigh and agreed that I would be on board because it was Domininc’s choice and ultimately his decision.  His message was loud and clear.  He wanted to be a regular kid, to get through this thing and then go on with his life.  He didn’t want to be a raw foodist and feel limited by diet choices.  So now, as we await his bone marrow transplant coming up on June 29th, Dom weighs in at 5’3″ and 88 pounds.  He eats as much as he can to gain weight but doesn’t usually have an appetite.  He enjoys raw foods that I prepare for him, mostly fruit, and eats everything under the sun that he can stomach.  When he is in hospital, he enjoys a diet of gatorade to the max and lots of white flour and sugary foods.  What’s a mother to do?  Just love, just love!!!!!

We had a discussion just the other day about what awaits him in through this journey of 2 months in isolation in the hospital with chemo, radiation and transplant.  He knows it is something he must go through to become the man he is to be.  He is taking this on as a spiritual journey in which he will emerge triumphant.  He is very pleased that his father and I have become friends again through all of this and has decided he is living “The Best Life Ever!”  He doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him or even feel sad, he knows it is in the divine plan and that all is well.  As for me, I am right there with him and will be there to love him through it all.

I fully support Dominic and all of his choices as I will for the rest of his life.  He will continue throughout his life to make choices that feel best to him, not to me.  And he may make some mistakes along the way, but I trust that his guidance is strong and that The God Power will show him the way.  Whenever I think of the path that I would choose vs. the path that Dom chose, I am reminded of a poem by Kahlil Gibran, a famous prophet from the 1920’s.

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but they are not from you,

and though they are with you they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies, but not their souls.

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, net even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrow may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

To Donate to the marathon I am running to heal Leukemia, click here: Running for Dom

4 thoughts on “My Spiritual journey because my son has leukemia

  1. Kan

    When I first started to treat my clients I felt very confident with all the advise that will make them heal. There are few cases where no matter what I tried, the result is not what I like to see. Later I found out that there is mind and spiritual portion of the healing that I am missing. That’s probably hardest part of the healing. Do not be so hard on your self. Everything happen for a reason. We can not be perfect all the time.

    Like

  2. Nuala

    my son has all t cell and for 4 and half mths we have be trying to get him into remission to have transplant so far not getting there he is 15 im so scared please pray for him xxx

    Like

    • Dear Nuala,
      Please call or email me if you would like to talk. I send you my love, hope and prayers that your son will recover and live a full and happy life again. In the meantime, the best thing you can do is surrender to what is and forgive anyone and everyone in your life. This helped me tremendously.
      Here is my email address: elainalive@yahoo.com
      Love and Light,
      Elaina

      Like

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